puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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