Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
