I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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