Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
