Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
