The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
