I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
