I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
