I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
