and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
