that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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