i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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