she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
