Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Alive.
So much puke
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
