Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
