I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
