i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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