just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
