So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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