I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
