...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
