That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
