I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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