Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
