just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
