I think im going to throw up on grandma
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
