oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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