And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
