i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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