I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
