I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
