I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
