let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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