I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
