How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
