booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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