At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
