Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
