Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
