I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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