I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
