I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
