he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
