She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
