After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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