She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im part way to drunk.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
