Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
