My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
