I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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