i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
