Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he thought i was a dude.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
be right there i have to get my cape
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
