We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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