thus making me awesome and them whores
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And the cops told us we were all naked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
