Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
